20 years in my life.
I have been so lost in my life, without knowing what am I going to do. I do, have a vision or to be precise- it’s called a dream for my wonderful future. I always do whatever others expected me to, growing from the expectation shadows and also the neon lights, also not to forget, applause. All the while, I was looking for something I really wanted in my life, trying to be something because I set my barrier high stop connecting myself from the real world. I wanted to be something- tried to get the fame for once; tried to be really stylish; tried to be pretty; tried to be the best in studies; tried to become a forensic scientist, a cop, a reporter; tried to be a photographer; tried to be really good in music, art, dancing, Taekwondo, sports…. and many more that I don’t think I am going to embarrass myself. I was trying really hard to get all stuff together in my dream, picking the right pieces of puzzles to get them all into one piece of beautiful drawing. But I guess, I just never did. I could be like a sane person to everyone, knowing a lot of stuff, but I never really master any of them I guess. I have always been TOO PASSIONATE for EVERYTHING so I don’t have any focus on my own.
Last year was my first time getting so far away from my parents, my family, and my sort of.. comfort zone. As a very much competing person, I grow myself into something that I thought I was just saying at that moment- I never thought I really did one of my very first tick on the ‘maps of life’ which I had it when I was selected to take part in my college’s young entrepreneur workshop. I thought I never did but I did anyway, getting myself to UK study abroad before I reached the age of 20 and another tick fulfilled this year- I got my Bachelor Degree, and doing Master degree now which makes a third tick on the map. On my very first ALONE year, I found something, I found myself (get the irony here). I started to focus on my own goals, my own dreams and own thoughts. Don’t ask me how I did that but one day I just woke up and decided to live in my own, not in everyone’s expectations.
I started searching for jobs, and I got a good one. Being active in taking part different kind of activities which will benefit me and I feel good this time. During high school time, I did become quite a famous person. Or to be exact- I was always famous during school time anyway, and that fame, did not make me happy. I wasn’t born to be a happy kid, I was born to taking parts in all sort of stuff and eventually they turned me into an arrogant, ego bitch that trying to snatch whatever things I could. I stopped taking part in any competitions after graduated from high school, well in college time I still get elected for some stuff but they’re not the same. I rest for two years without taking part in competition and I started fighting for my own when I landed in this mysterious land. I never felt this happy and I guess I did a lot of impossibles.
There’s once someone told me, if you truly love someone, you need to first love yourself- and I guess that’s what actually changed my mind to see something even bigger. You might want to ask- oh, so you fall in love. And yes, I fall in love to someone I thought I never could but I guess that’s what makes me a whole person again, knowing that how important it is going to be.
Love did not change me from who I am, it made me realise my true form, and get myself well-presented for the way I always wanted to be. But hey, let’s not talk about it because this is not this post about, and here we go the ways that I love myself-
1. Find yourself
It’s really important to know about your own passions. Don’t go for something that you’re forced to, no one could force you to do something that you don’t want to do.
Find out who you truly are, and I always believe every individuals is born with a gift. If you can’t figure it out, don’t rush everything overnight because you can’t expect to get the excellent service in a rushing hour. Give it sometimes and keep trying, even if you failed for once or twice or more than that, don’t give up. Keep telling yourself that you can do it and you’re close to your passions, your gifts. We are born to be awesome, not to be perfect.
2. Focus on your passions
Okay, so this step is the one you have to really take a lot of attention more than you thought. Once you found your passions, keep doing it and try whatever you feel like to achieve that goal. On your way to your dream, you will find a lot of difficulties trying to stop you from trying and achieving.
All you have to do is buckle yourself up and keep finding alternative ways. No one was born to be a hero, and every perfectionists will have the time they couldn’t even believe themselves that they let things happened. Try every possibilities and it’s okay to fail. You are allowed to cry, and you’re allowed to stay in bed for days but you have to know the sooner you get better, the faster you get your achievements unlock.
3. The right ones
On the pathway of growing up, I guess that’s the time to choose what’s the best for you. I simply don’t judge on how the circle of friends going on, well obviously I don’t really know much about that and I am still trying to figure it out. At least, on my way to pursue my dream and challenge at least, I have the few best ones staying beside me and giving me strengths to back me up. I know I always always have them together with me and I am comfortable to be with them.
I guess, the best ones will always stay beside you no matter what, no matter how. You could be with them around forming a crazy bitches group, and the next second you guys could just talk about how much you guys wanted to lost weight but ended up eating all the time, more than you expected- but you know, you still love them. You could be a fussy, quiet, depressing, lovable, boring, crazy, happy person, you can just be you when you’re with them and that’t what the right ones meant to me.
Also I simply just don’t mean by friendship only, if you’re a relationship, get someone who knows you better than you do. Of course, you can’t expect everyone to be the same- but at least he will be there for you when you need them. A few simple sentences, actions could be more enough.
4. Keep everything in order
Of course, when finding yourself, you can’t let go of all the things you have right now. Keep everything in order and have a schedule on what you’re going to do next, keep yourself update with all the things. Passions and realistic are much compatible but you have to know the importance of every matters you take. You cant’t just go for passions without a goal.
If you’re a student, you have put your studies at the very first place before you could put yourself all into your passions. You can put your passions in the category of hobby but you can’t let yourself let go of what you have right now. Hobby and reality is very different, and you got to analyse which one is your first priority. Don’t ever say that you do not have time for your passions, because you do- and maybe it’s time to brush up your best time management skill.
5. Do not let emotions cloud your decision
Being a better independent woman, woops- I mean everyone who wish to be a better person and by finding your own true self, bring out the best: You’ve got to master your EQ levels. Emotions are very toxic, and they can poison everyone with a tiny bit and fail your decision making.
Don’t ever let your emotions control what you’re going to do. Remember, feelings don’t help you to decide who you are, they can’t help you to predict your future. Look into a bigger picture, and telling yourself that only you could decide your future. Don’t let go of your passions and everything you’ve done half way through because YOU FEELS LIKE: “I can’t do it anymore, it doesn’t FEEL right”. Don’t make wrong decisions with your emotions and remember- you can do it because you’re the one that can control, suppress and stomp them like bugs.
6. Love yourself
Nothing can hold you back from your way to success and now you can start the way of loving yourself. When I mean love yourself, you will pamper yourself in the right way. Don’t over pamper yourself and this is very important. Bring out the best of you, find the best way that suits you. Get yourself a manicure or spa time when you feel tense; watch some movies and videos with a glass of wine during weekend; go for shopping when you feel like it; and of course you can decorate your room as you want (like I do, I always enjoying cleaning and decorating my room, having a comfortable and nice environment just make me feel good) and etc.
But, don’t ever go wild and always be sure you’re going to afford those minds you have- girls always go broke, by over pampering themselves….
I know you might want to pamper yourself, but please do it within your affordable circle. You do not have to pamper yourselves by just buying all branded stuff if you couldn’t afford it. A good meal or a short trip actually do fine with me, and I am actually more like a relaxing person, although I do have crazy mind “to shop until I broke”- just kidding. I do have to admit, shopping is really the best remedy for most of the girls and I guess the gifs below is the goal of every girls…
Alright, maybe this is too much, but who else will care about the term of ‘money’ when you’re as rich as Blair Waldorf?
If you’re not, and you have a budget control well, maybe this might be a good idea?
So, this is basically how I love myself. Without knowing who you really are, you will never learn the way to appreciate yourself and love yourself truly. From all of this time I did fall and crawl; I cried a lot even though I don’t look like one. I finally get over all the sadness and started to give out my best in everything that I’m passionate about. Having a love hate relationship with my blog before and I simply just pick it up again my writing passions and I promise myself I have to update at least two blogs per month, no matter how busy I am. I don’t really hate blogging, it’s just I am afraid that I am not perfect enough and my biggest fear is being not affirmative. I like taking photos and that’s where I get my inspirations from, to write and quote. I am glad that, I found myself and finally did something that I could finally make myself really happy- because of a sentence from someone who meant lot to me.
Till the next post.