Summer, I saw a stroke of light between my fingers.
I woke up from the unrealistic, own created imagination and I realised- keeps moving on. I had been working real real hard lately, and I mean it. I do not even have much time for myself, apart from the 2 weeks holiday to South France. That summer holiday meant so much to me, not to mention that was my very first time travelling outside from UK, putting down all those heavy stressful baggage on my shoulder, truly enjoying the sun and sea. Working hard and juggle your studies, activities definitely not something easy as you thought. You sacrifice your fun time, you give up your enjoyable life. You have to always be ready to get in the unforeseen battles of life and keep fighting till the end of your life.
Longing for time to pass quickly and it does. I still remember precisely how things were going on in my life; making hard decisions; forced to be independent; learnt to survive in a cold hard world; breathe in this chaotic society and trained myself to become a better one; and.. etc. How things worked out in the end, changes, and it goes to my 21st birthday, summer holiday and I graduated from my degree (although I’ve started my Master in January, the graduation ceremony is pretty late) and it’s my favourite season of the year again- autumn.
Autumn, loving and calming.
I have always love autumn. I enjoy every single moment watching the leaves fall apart and they’re still as beautiful as hell. If I ever have the time I bet I would have sat around Hyde Park or Regent’s Park or wherever just to watch the leaves fall and get showered in the leaves. I have always love leaves, and trees yes. They give me inspirations and calmness. Trees are the symbol of strong and courage (at least they’re to me), no matter the autumn has made the leaves falling and leaving the branches; winter makes the trees bald and look creepy all the time (like haunted trees most of the time); they still grow and become new again when it comes to spring. It’s a life-cycle, telling us that our life should be like this as well- embrace the sadness that lives in you and strengthen your mind and heart every time, smile to meet your life.
Everyone has the darkest part that hidden deep inside their heart. I’m no saint and I admit I had a huge part of mine coloured by darkness and that explains I love cold colours, blue and black are both my favourite. But, I like white too- that explains the innocent or should I say the soft heart-ed part, the part that always have faith in others brightened up my dark souls sometimes when I had my worst time. I have too many flaws and as a person that seeks for perfection this is definitely the hardest for me to get over with. There’s too much of mine that I could never explain, so I will keep this vague (even if I could use words to describe I guess that’s all I will expose too), it’s just being me is too hard. I’m tired and I’m the all time winter person, so sorry to those who thought I was the coldest person (I got a nickname last time as Ice Queen), I don’t mean too- It’s just me being me, being typical and I enjoy quiet time myself. I love books and music, arts (everything) and that’s how I express myself. Winter will always be winter, but thank you for my fire who melts my heart- You’re the best.
Spring, new life.
I’m happy, and had turned over a new leaf since the day I landed in UK. Juggle between studies, work, social life and societies etc are hard, tiring and there are moments I feel like giving up. I sacrifice my fun time and the age that I should have go out and enjoy, getting drunk- I never even once regret it. Growing up with a perfectionist mindset and wanted to become the best I can be has never meant to be an easy pathway anyway, I’m happy what I’ve done and I’m proud of myself. Before the age of 22, I will be graduating from my master and that’s spring time yes. I can’t wait for my another journey ahead.
I will do my best.